Why?
I just-- I don't understand.
Is it something I've done?
Look, it's just not going to work, OK?
It's been five years.
You know?
Five years.
I was drunk.
We had fun.
You know, we had good times.
To be honest, I don't remember much about it.
I just-- like don't--
just give me a reason.
You know?
You think I'm an emotional, don't you?
I can be emotional.
Jesus, I cried like a childat the end of "Terminator 2",
you know, with the thumb and the molten.
You know, is it someone else?
Sort of.
Don't-- what?
- My boyfriend. - That bastard.
I bloody knew it.
I'm sorry.
No, really.
I really am.
It was just a bit of fun, you know?
Just doesn't feel right.
OK?
Fine.
All right?
Fine.
Here's a little change.
Sarah, please don't do this.
You can leave your stuff hereuntil you find someone else.
I love you.
MAN: The weekend starts here.
Excuse me.
Do you mind if I sit here?
No, no.
OK, thanks.
What are you looking for?
What have you got?
No, I meant what are you looking for?
So.
I thought you were a drug dealer.
Oh, thanks.
That's all right.
No.
A flat.
Oh, all right.
Yeah.
Stay with these mates. Sort of mates.
They're not really mates,just people that I met.
I squat.
But I didn't mean to squat.
I moved into squat with them, which is fine.
And are even interested?
Anyway, there was thisguy, and I don't even know.
Well, I suppose, no.
Really, what happened was--
no, the thing rather confront, I thought.
Skip to the end.
So I'm moving out.
I see.
I hate flat hunting.
Yeah, I do not envy you at all.
Could I borrow that after you?
Yeah.
Do you mind if I sit here?
Oh, no.
Any luck?
No.
It's only days yet.
So.
WOMAN: Getting to know you.
Getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you,getting to hope you like me.
Hi.
How's it going?
Same as always.
That bad, huh?
I can't do this anymore!
Don't-- whoa there, pickle.
Every morning I wake up and it's the same.
I get out a pen andpaper, I circle them all,
and then I phone them, only to discover
they've been taken by a bunch offucking psychic house hunters.
Well you know, you've only looked at a few.
And they've all been mole-infested rat holes.
I'm in the same boat, you know?
You don't see me crying.
I didn't see that one.
MAN: Spacious 2 bedroomapartment, fully furnished,
90 pounds a week.
Professional couple only.
Why!
Why?
You could also pretend.
What do you mean?
Have you got any homeless male friends?
I do have one homeless male friend.
OK.
You were born in Highgateto John and Julie Bisley,
the 17th of September, 1974.
Right.
You've got a little sister, Katie,
who once used all your Batman comics
to decorate her carpool cart.
And unable to salvage the comics,
you drove the car into thebond, hitting your head
on the concrete foundation, which
is where you got your scar.
You've got a best friend calledMike, who's a weapons expert.
Yes!
Yeah.
You have a potentially fatalallergy to brazil nuts.
Yes.
I have no memory of Christmas, 1979.
Mind you, I have no memoryof Christmas 1994, either.
Oh, why not?
- I don't know. - Right.
You're an aspiring graphic artist,
and hope one day to work for--
Dark Star Comics.
Your work today includes asleeve design on your sister's
boyfriend's brother's bread.
You supplement the 50 quid that you
got from that by workingpart time in a comic shop
called Fantasy Bazaar.
Yeah, I'm the assistant manager.
Oh, how many people work for you?
It's just me and Bilbo.
WOMAN: Who's Bilbo?
He's the manager.
You're not one of those sci-fi nerds, are you?
No.
You don't spend your eveningon the internet discussing
symbolism and the "X-Files?"- Look.
Modern science fictioncan be pretty interesting.
The thoughts and speculations of our contemporaries
have probably never been closer to the truth.
Right.
Your preferred mode oftransport is skateboarding.
You like music, pubbing, andregularly masturbate over
images of Gillian Anderson.
Who told you that?
It was a joke.
Yeah, well FHM voted her most sexy
woman in the world in 1996.
What about you?
I wasn't playing.
You recently split up with your girlfriend
who got off with a friendof yours called Duane.
He is not my friend.
Well, we don't need to talk about that.
I mean, we can if you want.
Because obviously it hit you hard.
No.
You prefer I'm a tightlipped compound, as opposed
to the box.
Is all this really necessary?
Well, yes.
What if we're asked a numberof intimate personal questions?
We're supposed to be a couple.
Come on, do me.
MAN: OK.
You were born in Richmond in1975 to Ben and Emily Steiner.
You have a brother andsister, older and younger,
respectively.
You graduated from Kingston Poly.
University.
Whatever.
In 1996, with a degree in humanities,
for which you received a third.
Which is fine, which is why I expected here.
Michelle, from my standards, got a third.
Did you know that?
Anyway, it's not the grade that matters.
It's being there that counts.
OK.
You have a boyfriend called Richard,
who is studying in hell. - Hull.
Hull.
We're not going to mention him.
You want to be a journalist, but you
haven't quite tried that yet.
And your best friend is called Twist,
and she works in fashion.
Uh, yeah.
You've got no skincare routine to speak of.
You're scared of mice and spiders.
Oh so much greater is your fearthat one day the two species
will cross breed to form an allpowerful race of mice spiders
who will immobilize human beings and giant
webs in order to steal cheese.
I never said that.
It would be good though, wouldn't it?
- I don't know. - All right.
That's it. - Oh, all right.
By the way, my name is Daisy.- I'm Tim.
All right.
- Hey.
What's that for?
I was thinking we'd do that thing.
You know, like that film with Annie
McDowell and Gerard Depardieu.
You know, where they get marriedso that she can keep her house,
and he can get, um, an American work permit.
A green card?
Yeah.
What's it called?
I don't know.
That should do it.
I think this is it.
583.
583, 583.
583.
I thought what we had for your fifth birthday.
A miniature drum kit.
Miniature drum kit.
OK.
- Hey, hey!
- I don't want to seem to pushy.- All right.
Come on.
Oh, .
Hi we're.
A couple.
TIM BISLEY: Oh yes, very nice.
It's a great flat.
Tim got a miniature drumkit for his fifth birthday.
You what?
What's through there?
This is the guest bedroom,which you can use for storage,
or utilities.
Or if the pair of you wantto bring another little life
into the world.
Yeah, it's perfect for a child.
Yeah.
Homey.
Yeah, homey.
Homey.
It's very homey.
What's this?
We finished cleaningthe cupboards, Mrs. Klein.
Oh.
Did it take you long?
Yes.
It took forever.
And ever.
It's .
So.
What do you both do for a living.
Journalist.
Graphic artist.
Lovely.
You working?
What?
Working?
Earning money, cash. - Yes.
- Yes.
Yes, we're very--
Busy.
For all your comic needs, Fancy Bazaar.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We're very, very, busy.
Yeah.
Woo.
That's what it sounds like.
We're so busy.TIM BISLEY: I don't sleep
DAISY STEINER: He does not.
No, that's an exaggeration.
But we are very busy.
Very busy.
So how long have you been together?
Five years, eight months, three days.
Ow.
Well, you can move in when you're ready.
Really?
Yup.
Don't you want to see our photos?
Come here, you.
Right.
How's it going?
I'm off.
I'm out of here.
I'll probably give you a call, actually,
about bills and stuff.
Oh.
We haven't got a phone.
So.
Well, that's it, then. I'm off.
I'm going.
Bye. Bye.
Sir.
This is you.
Thanks.
Right. Right.
Do you have a phone number,in case I need to contact
you about bills and stuff?- Uh.
I'm not sure actually.
Daisy is on that. - Daisy?
Yeah.
Who's Daisy.
She's a girl I'm moving in with?
What Do.
You mean?
When did you meet her?
About two weeks ago.
And you're about to move in with her?
Yeah.
And you've got absolutelyno right to be upset.
OK, you're the one that ended this.
You're the one seeing someone else.
You know, I'll got to go on with my own life.
And I'm sorry if that upsets you.
It's just the way it is.
You can't dangle the bogus carrot
of possible reconciliationin front of my face
while riding some other donkey, you know?
I mean, I'm moving on, Sarah.
If you don't like that, that's too bad.
Do you love her?
What?
Do you love her?
No, of course I don't love her.
I love you.
Nobody, no matter how fervently they insist,
could ever love you as much as I do.
OK.
Hey.
Crazy looking naked girl with no nipples,
what are you doing here?
Cover yourself up, love.
Come on.
Cover yourself up.
Tim?
What are you doing?
Tim.
Ah.
I was just cleaning, and,um, did you see this?
Because I'm going to change the table.
Anyway, you don't like it, do you?
Anyway.
I heard a noise, and Ithought it was you, because I
was talking to myself.
And anyway, BT called.
And we've been connected.
So do want tea?
You know, I like this room.
It's lovely.
I like what you've--
the part we've done.
OK.
Do you want a cup of tea?
Noise?
I just-- you know, I heard a noise.
So I thought I would just have a look.
Yeah, so.
Have you just heard about BT?
Yeah, we've been connected.
I was just investigating.
TIM BISLEY: All right.
Playing Scooby Doo?
Yeah.
I was always Daphne when I was little.
Who were you?
Freddie, obviously.
Freddie, yeah.
Now look at us.
TIM BISLEY: And this guy has called The Bear.
Right?
He's like a mutant.
He's essentially a nice guy.
But he's driven to violenceby society and habits.
Right.
Who is that then?
TIM BISLEY: That's Doctor Mandrake.
- Doctor Mandrake? - Docktor Mandrake.
It's got a k in it.
Kind of a mad scientist, yeah OK?
And he invented this steroidcalled oxyphermalcahyde,
and he tested it on this orphan kid.
But it didn't work, did it?
So he chucked out all his research,
chucked the kid out onto thestreet, and but get this.
Here's the thing.
When the kid reached puberty,the dormant oxyphermalcahyde
in his bloodstreaminterrupted his DNA coding,
and he mutated into the bear.
So now Dr. Mandrake hasdedicated his entire life
to capturing The Bear to rediscover the effects
of oxyphermalcahyde.
So why didn't the doctor just make
the oxyphermalcahyde again?
Well, because he inventedit by accident, didn't he?
And these mutants here, they are like mistakes
he's made as he's tried to recreate the serum.
And you like, see thatguy's got a really big head.
So do you like my comic?
Yeah.
Oh, that reminds me, actually.
I was talking to Marcia about the rubbish.
And she says the door downstairsopens out to the backyard,
so we have to take itdownstairs to the basement.
Oh, well I'll take thosebin bags down there tonight.
Oh, do you want another cup of tea?
Oh, no thanks.
12 is my limit.
Hello?
Hello.
Daisy, this is Brian.
Oh, hi Do you rent downstairs?
Do you mean, am I gay?
DAISY STEINER: What?
Do you mean, am I gay?
No, no.
I mean, are you renting the downstairs flat?
Oh, right.
Yup, sort of.
Are you gay?
What?
Are you gay?
Eh.
All right.
Would you like a glass of wine or something?
Yeah, I can't stay long.
DAISY STEINER: And he invitedme back to stay with his family
in Istanbul.
And you know, I didn'tlike to say no, you know.
But his sisters kept me in the house all day,
and made me eat green eggs,and watch Turkish television.
So I had to escape through thewindow in the small toilet.
Hopefully, I'll get some publishers interested.
What do you do, Brian?
I'm an artist.
Oh.
What kind of thing do you do?
Anger.
Pain.
Ow!
Fear.
Oh.
Aggression.
Watercolors, or?
It's a bit more complex than that.
Tim does cartoons.
It's a bit more complex than that.
Processing concept andsubstance, trying to create
string in independent forms.
Like sausages?
See, contemporary art is a dirty plate,
heaped with worthless junk food, and I
want something more nourishing.
Like sausages?
What's that?
It's Amber, Marcia's daughter.
Marcia.
Don't ask her if she wants to talk.
It was the fucking dog.
It was like the dog wassome kind of replacement.
We used to let her sleep in the bed.
Actually, in the bed.
Sometimes, I used to wonder.
Anyway, eventually I decidedit was the dog or me.
And he chose the dog.
Bitch.
Ah, Sarah.
- Sarah? - Sarah.
I'm here.
It's OK.
It's his pet name for me.
Hmm.
Where does that come from?
My ex-girlfriend.
Hello?
- It's me, Richard. - Hello.
I got your phone number from your mom.
How is it going?
Oh, fine.
You know, good.
Thanks.
What's the flat like?
Very nice.
Cool.
Listen, I've been thinking.
You know, wondering about thatTim guy you've moved in with.
Yes.
Look, I can't really talk now.
OK.
There's some people here.
OK.
OK, OK.
I love you, Daisy Duke.
I love you too, Boss Hug.
I can't hear you.
I love you too, Boss Hogg.
Bye.
That was Boss Hogg.
How long have you been together.
Five years, eight months, three days.
That's what you said two days ago.
Shit.
Times like this, I wish I was telepathic.
Don't you, Tim.
Oh, damn.
Daisy and I have two anniversaries.
Don't we, daisy?
OK.
Daisy takes it fromthe first time we kissed.
I take it from the first time we were physically
intimate with each other.
Oh, that is sweet.
Whose is it today, then?
It's Daisy's.
Mine.
So you had sex before you kissed?
Shit.
Yeah.
Happy anniversary.
Well, good night.
Are you going to keep the tablehere, 'cause I think it works
better placed by the window.
It's up to you, though, really.
Isn't it?
It's your flat now.
Yes.
Good night, Brian.
Good night.
Are you?
No.
Thanks.
See you later.
DAISY STEINER: That was close.
You're telling me.
Well, didn't get much unpacking done, did we?
No.
Well.
Well, well, well.
Good night.
OK.
Night.
Yeah.
Well done, today.
That's good.
I'm knackered.
Me too.
So, goodnight.
Oh.
OK.
Go on.
Night.